Sounds very strange when you think of it, “Traffic Calming”. It’s as if traffic is a toddler having a tantrum, or a cobra that needs soothing. Today I’m happy to announce that phrase has been officially added to my repertoire (just before my trick of using Google to look up how to spell ‘repertoire’). However, a more accurate phrase would be: “Piss off the driver by slowing them down and making sure they really want to be there because that’s where they live”.
Given the reputation of traffic in California, it seems that there is a need for more traffic calming. But so far, mostly it’s all been the same calming techniques used elsewhere. Zebra crosswalks, traffic lights, stop signs, more signs, more designs painted on the roads, etc. Or so I thought.
On our visit to Sacramento I was delighted to discover that California has a vast portfolio of traffic calming techniques, in the form of pavement modifications, that I was unaware of. These are “bumps”, “lumps”, “undulations”, and “tables”, along with the regular assortment of “raised crossings”, “striped bumps”, and others that are in the neighborhoods we visited. Where have you been all this time?
My absolute favorites are the undulations, as the following picture illustrates.
These make it to the top of the list not only because of their name, but because jellyfish also undulate. This makes it necessary to extend and undulate ones’ arms as you travel over the undulations. Extra points for undulating your head and body (safely of course) while traversing. These were such a hit that Beth had to tell me to stop doing that. After a few more times, I ceased undulating on the undulations and just smiled as we bumped along up and down.
Next come the lumps.
These are interesting since they are almost the same as the bumps, not quite table-like, and looking like someone got bored with dropping asphalt in neat rows. This is because they are three mounds stretched across the road, left to right, with dips for tires between the mounds. I was tempted to straddle the middle hump so that we had a smooth ride, but was worried that I would bottom out the car. Speed lumps, I address you when I say “job well done”!
Next in line are the speed humps.
These are as we know and hate them. They do their job here and everywhere else, for everyone, unless you have a truck with raised suspension and can just cruise over these babies. That’s probably why undulations were created.
Last in line of these new pacifications come tables and raised crossings.
Why is there only one picture you ask? I’m glad you asked. Just as with striped or safety speed bumps and plain-Jane speed bumps, raised crossings are the same as tables with some eyelash liner applied. This has the effect of calming down traffic and placing pedestrians in a raised location where they silhouette against the horizon allowing the slowed drivers to easily see them before taking careful aim and gunning their truck engines to catch some air (not really). Actually, it’s a clever combination of two different tasks in one design. (My apologies to all the Jane’s out there – I didn’t make up that expression.)
While calling these new techniques “vast” is probably overstating it a bit, I’m keeping it. Learning new things is so worth the effort.
Bonus Round: While looking up information for this post, I found out that you can order your own speed bumps and signs! Not only that, but these things are called “vertical displacement measures”!