Arriving and Leaving – Tales From The Hive

(Originally written in October 2018 but posted it in February 2019)

Wow!

You last heard from us in June when we were talking about Albuquerque and other areas in New Mexico.

So what’s been going on since then and why haven’t you heard from us?

Well, the short version is: we met our oldest daughter in the Outer Banks, North Carolina and went to back to Rochester, New York for the month of July. After that we headed back to Tucson, AZ! Along the way we made stops and saw sights (more on those in other posts).

We arrived in Tucson with all four of our bikes and unpacked the van, storing the bikes in the newly cleaned out sheds that were made available to us by our wonderful, lovely, and generous Airbnb hosts! We settled in that night by trying out an amazing Ramen noodle place, Raijing Ramen. It was truly awesome and I ended up going back again.

The next morning we went for bike rides, starting out together, on a lovely day along The Loop. We split up at Beth’s halfway point and I went along my merry way up through Cortaro and back. When I got home, I looked at my phone and found out Beth had been extremely dizzy and stopped. I picked her up and the rest of the day was normal until the evening when she got very sick and ended up in the hospital. An CAT scan for a possible stroke turned up a mass which an MRI resolved to be a Meningioma!

The next week was crazy as I visited Beth in the hospital, researched where the best treatment could be had, and tried to figure out our next steps. I need to give a massive shout out to Vikki (an old college friend of Beth’s) who was awesome in visiting and supporting both of us! She brought me coffee that first night so she has my eternal gratitude (yes, I am that easy).

Given the size of the mass, where it was in her head, and due to limited options, surgery was the best choice for fixing this. We ended up deciding on Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago since it was listed in almost every top 10 list and Beth has family nearby. So it’s goodby Tucson, thanks for the crazy one week visit! On the plus side, while in Tucson, we found another awesome restaurant and I was able to get my Barrio Bread fix. On the minus side, well you know now.

We made the drive to Chicago in 2.5 days and stayed at her brother’s house for the next 6 weeks. We currently have a place right by Northwestern through the end of December. This is a great location overlooking the lake and Beth can walk to her appointments in a few minutes.

Beth’s surgery went well and she’s expected to make a full recovery (no cancer was found) – although not in a short time frame or without an effort on her part. The operation took quite a lot out of Beth but with occupational/speech/physical therapies she’s making a comeback. Unfortunately, there’s also a course of radiation needed to clean up tumor cells that were not able to be removed because of their location within the brain. Aside from the normal cellular level of left-over mass, the doctors left an area of nerves and vessels alone which the radiation should clean up.

So here we are now, waiting for Tuesday, October 30 to roll around when she begins her first photon (X-ray) radiation treatment; and every weekday for the next 6 weeks. Given that we’re dealing with her brain, optic nerve, carotid artery, and some ‘cavern’, the radiation is low dose and given over a period of time to minimize problems. No Death Star beams here.

We’ll be in Rochester for Thanksgiving because both of our children will be there. We will be seeing our kids and other family members. It is unlikely that we will get to see friends as well, because the radiation will likely create much more fatigue. This also means that we once again disappoint the Chicago portion of the family, even when we’re right in their backyard!

So, that’s all for now. We will be posting more in the future.

“You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you, leaving a part of yourself behind.” (Author unknown)

As we prepare to leave Tucson for now, in my head I start to walk through the recent familiar ritual of leaving. When we preparing to “move”, I think and feel a lot.

About 7-10 days before we leave, I start taking a closer look at what food we buy, making sure to use what’s in the freezer so we have enough space in our coolers to transport it.
Saying good-bye to people starts early. When we left Rochester, it started in November for a late December departure. Here in Tucson, I have already said goodbye to the people at the food bank, some who I only worked together with for a couple weeks, but with whom a connection was made. We talked about life in Tucson as well as shows worth watching on Netflix and Amazon, books and of course, our children. We say goodbye to acquaintances, friends of friends, and eventually any friends who live here. In some cases, there are even goodbyes to our AirB&B hosts, who became a little part of our life.
I start hoping that the next place we stay will be nicer or as nice and go back to the AirB&B or VRBO booking for the next place to check out the amenities. It is hard to remember which place has what; a washer and dryer, dishwasher, patio, etc.
Because we are not really tourists, but looking for a new home, we do not spend every days seeing the sites. But at the same time, I want to see and do everything and realize at the end of our stay that there is no way to do this. So I get a little regretful and a little blue, while anticipating the new adventure. It is like leaving Rochester except on a much smaller scale. Mostly the sadness is about lost possibilities.
I also start planning for what to do in the next place. I reflect on whether this is someplace we are really considering, or just passing through for fun. I check out what grocery stores there are, whether I can get my gas at Costco, and whether we can get our snacks at Trader Joe’s. I review “must-see” sites, look for bike trails, yoga studios, and if we are serious about the possibility of living there, look for community events, activities and institutions, and sometimes at real estate.
I want our last day to happen before it is scheduled. I feel like I am done, kind of edgy and impatient. This is me wanting to avoid the regret and sadness. Of course, there is no excitement in a new place without first leaving where we are now.
At the same time, I do not want to pack until the last minute. For those of you who know my planning side, this must come as a surprise. But we don’t need to decide what to take. We take everything we are traveling with, and it is mostly organized so we know where to pack everything. I don’t want to live from suitcases and bins. When we left Redding for Tucson, it took us 1 ½ hours to pack, do dishes and take out garbage, so it doesn’t take long.
And then, somehow at the end, missing friends, family and the familiar gets a little overwhelming. We face not knowing anyone again, and in the anticipation of that absence, I get pushed back to recent losses. We have to start over. We will lack the social and support network we are used to. We face explaining our journey to everyone we meet, and we frankly face others trying to explain our adventure in a way that makes it familiar and understandable for them. In Tucson, that means that people would say “oh you are snowbirds.” Well not really but that is what folks around here are used to, so I guess it is easiest to put us in the same box.

So that is what I face in the next couple of days. Ciao.

Category: Arriving and Leaving

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