Departures

“You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you, leaving a part of yourself behind.” (Author unknown)

As we prepare to leave Tucson for now, in my head I start to walk through the recent familiar ritual of leaving. When we preparing to “move”, I think and feel a lot.

• About 7-10 days before we leave, I start taking a closer look at what food we buy, making sure to use what’s in the freezer so we have enough space in our coolers to transport it.
• Saying good-bye to people starts early. When we left Rochester, it started in November for a late December departure. Here in Tucson, I have already said goodbye to the people at the food bank, some who I only worked together with for a couple weeks, but with whom a connection was made. We talked about life in Tucson as well as shows worth watching on Netflix and Amazon, books and of course, our children. We say goodbye to acquaintances, friends of friends, and eventually any friends who live here. In some cases, there are even goodbyes to our AirB&B hosts, who became a little part of our life.
• I start hoping that the next place we stay will be nicer or as nice and go back to the AirB&B or VRBO booking for the next place to check out the amenities. It is hard to remember which place has what; a washer and dryer, dishwasher, patio, etc.
• Because we are not really tourists, but looking for a new home, we do not spend every days seeing the sites. But at the same time, I want to see and do everything and realize at the end of our stay that there is no way to do this. So I get a little regretful and a little blue, while anticipating the new adventure. It is like leaving Rochester except on a much smaller scale. Mostly the sadness is about lost possibilities.
• I also start planning for what to do in the next place. I reflect on whether this is someplace we are really considering, or just passing through for fun. I check out what grocery stores there are, whether I can get my gas at Costco, and whether we can get our snacks at Trader Joe’s. I review “must-see” sites, look for bike trails, yoga studios, and if we are serious about the possibility of living there, look for community events, activities and institutions, and sometimes at real estate.
• I want our last day to happen before it is scheduled. I feel like I am done, kind of edgy and impatient. This is me wanting to avoid the regret and sadness. Of course, there is no excitement in a new place without first leaving where we are now.
• At the same time, I do not want to pack until the last minute. For those of you who know my planning side, this must come as a surprise. But we don’t need to decide what to take. We take everything we are traveling with, and it is mostly organized so we know where to pack everything. I don’t want to live from suitcases and bins. When we left Redding for Tucson, it took us 1 ½ hours to pack, do dishes and take out garbage, so it doesn’t take long.
• And then, somehow at the end, missing friends, family and the familiar gets a little overwhelming. We face not knowing anyone again, and in the anticipation of that absence, I get pushed back to recent losses. We have to start over. We will lack the social and support network we are used to. We face explaining our journey to everyone we meet, and we frankly face others trying to explain our adventure in a way that makes it familiar and understandable for them. In Tucson, that means that people would say “oh you are snowbirds.” Well not really but that is what folks around here are used to, so I guess it is easiest to put us in the same box.

So that is what I face in the next couple of days. Ciao.